August 19, 2009

Live For Today....

This post was inspired by Leggy's post: I hope I luv u all my life.


It got me thinking about him. I can't say I was in love because I don't know the meaning of that word and I have not met people around my age group that have been happy because of that word plus have got committment phobia but I was truly happy with him. Then I got scared, I didn't want this kind of feeling, it has never ended good for me and for sure All good things come to an end the timing of this is what makes the difference for evrything. So I couldn't be truly happy again, I was always waiting for when the rumours will start, the lies, the cheating, the deception, the mysterious messages, even the anger at seeing his face. I was never there emotional to enjoy the moments that we shared. My mind was always preparing itself for when all of it will change, I didn't want to suffer any emotional trauma or pain. I was so consumed by need to ready for the pain that I didnt realise when he drifted away from me. Maybe I pushed him away with my attitude of being there but never there. I know I blamed him for everything but now after reflecting I can't believe I was that bad. Even with all my preparation, I wasn't prepared for the feeling I got when I realised what he had done, it was painful. The thought of it being my fault is even more painful than him cheating. Now that I think of it I should take the blame for it all. Sometimes, it is not a guy's fault that he cheats. Maybe if I had let in him on what I was going through, he would have helped me get through it. He would have told me that I had every right to be happy. Maybe if I hadn't been bothered about when it was going to end I would have truly enjoyed it or it wouldn't have ended so soon. I am truly sorry I locked him out when you where supposed to be a part of it. I could only feel so much pain after it all, on the surface I felt like a BossLady after being over with him but now thinking deep down the feeling below was not sweet at all. I realised I did it cos I thought I needed to not because I felt like doing it. I can't bring myself apologize to his face or even his voice but I have learnt now. Maybe if he ever get to read this he will know that I am truly for what I did to him. Hope he doesn't meet another like me. My attitude of not living in the moment cost me alot: HIM.

PS: On a random note, Wande Coal has two videos to his Bumper2Bumper. The first was probably a due to recession but the new one his better in my own opinion.
TIBA

21 comments:

David Numba-one God'sfave said...

FIRST!!!

David Numba-one God'sfave said...

wow...ok, i'm not goin to act all philosophical and like a relationship expert but i do admire the fact that you are willin to take the blame...not many girls would...

I'm not goin to say all the blame's yours...it's hard to figure out a person's true intentions...maybe he didn't like you like that..maybe it was all pretence, one of his moves to "chop and go" or maybe he truly liked you like that...don't blame yourself and feel bad about it.

start a fresh and enjoy yourelf

p.s: random fact...about 63%(not so sure about the figure anymore) of men cheat on their partners because they lack the emotional satisfaction they need...YES EVEN WITH ALL THE FORMIN AND STRONG PERSONALITY...MEN NEED EMOTIONAL SATISFACTION!!!

nice piece btwn

RocNaija said...

Too many 'maybes' in this post for me..
Means it borders too much on the hypothetical..
Might have happened the way you think.. Then again maybe not..

PS. I thought the same thing when I saw both videos. Then I figured maybe they didn't bargain on the song taking off as well as it did..

leggy said...

you reallly shouldnt tske all the blame no matter how much you think that you are to blame..he could have asked you,you know....cheating is really a very bad thing in my opinion...and maybe you pushed him to it but it still doesnt justify it.

Rene said...

You can't take all the blame joh!

I heard d first vid was a leaked one. I prefer d second wella

miss.fab said...

Oh dear.

Even if you had a hand in it, he still made his choice. Nobody forced his eyes to look and his mind to do the cheating. He is an individual and he made a decision.

Please don't beat yourself too much about it. It's natural for you to feel this way anyway, but hopefully it doesn't last long. :)

chayoma said...

Foxx said "blame it on the booz"
No i am kidding!
there is just too many "maybes" in this one.
i am gonna sit and observe.

Just dont blame urself for everything.Things happen. Life happens.
we just have to brush off the dust and keep at it till we get it right.
(so much for sitting on the fence)

Sassy Trends said...

First time in...
My tot? well.. nice blog!
Hi
xx

TaioFierce Ameen said...

@David: that's true about people's intentions nd i def. plan strtin afresh...

@Roc: it cos its from my own conscience judgin my actions, he mite have acted from his own desires..

@Leggy: I wld try not to take all the blame.

@Rene: I wont nd I heard dt gist too..

@Chayoma: I wld stp takin ol d blame..

@Sassy Trends: Tanx...
Tanx everyone, u sure made me feel better...

Suru said...

Don't take all the blame but if you think most of it was your fault then just remember that we live and we learn

aloted said...

first time here and i enjoyed reading this..i think sometimes selfprophecies become fufilled in our lives..what we think eventually happens..

Nevertheless u cant take the blame for his cheating..that was his choice not urs...

I pray u learn to enjoy what u have instead of thinking of all the things that could go wrong.

Meanwhile thanks for stopping by my blog

aloted said...

oh i need to go look for that wande coal's second video or do u have the link??

TaioFierce Ameen said...

@Suru: Tanx dear....

@aloted: Tanx, i ll surely do that from now on.. nd u r welcum.... nd jst click on the new one thats the link....

Buttercup said...

Aww shucks..as much as you have some fault, he should have talked to you..communication is very vital.. Thanks for stopping by :)

Ms. 'dufa said...

First time here, really enjoyed the read. You put down your thoughts very well
Don't beat yourself over it. Lesson learnt and hopefully, you won't make that same mistake again.
Lol@Wande Coal's recession viseo. I've seen neither of them

TaioFierce Ameen said...

@Buttercup: Yea, dts true... U r welcum....
@Ms. 'dufa: Tanx nd I ll stop beatin myself..

BSNC said...

don't beat yourself up dear. if it was meant to be, he wouldn't let you go..

TaioFierce Ameen said...

tanx... i wont...

TaioFierce Ameen said...

tanx... i wont...

joblushhot(ociajan) said...

awwww...baby!im so sowi...dint know i hve been floatin lyk mumu!im so sorry u are hurt aite,ur bloG has got me finking..DEEP. i fink d emotionally beaten ones really nid to talk lyk shit..u ve been dere, done dt..im dere nw b needin ur counsel ba!imma hit u up...sorry 4 d years of neglect, :-*

TaioFierce Ameen said...

no problem, m alwayz hia 2 give u ny counsel u nid....